Barber's Laws of Backpacking
- The integral of the gravitational potential taken around any loop trail you choose to hike always comes out positive.
- Any stone in your boot always migrates against the pressure gradient to exactly the point of most pressure.
- The weight of your pack increases in direct proportion to the amount of food you consume from it. If you run out of food, the pack weight goes on increasing anyway.
- The number of stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
- The difficulty of finding any given trail marker is directly proportional to the importance of the consequences of failing to find it.
- The size of each of the stones in your boot is directly proportional to the number of hours you have been on the trail.
- The remaining distance to your chosen campsite remains constant as twilight approaches.
- The net weight of your boots is proportional to the cube of the number of hours you have been on the trail.
- When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.
- If you take your boots off, you'll never get them back on again.
- The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining repellent.
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Antz Attack
Though it sounds similar to Mars Attack it is supposed to be neither that funny or as satirical.
It all began a couple of weeks ago, when I came to my room from class to discover a long trail of ants entering my room from one window and leaving the room from the opposite door. "
What the heck", I thought, "
They did not disturb me or harm me and so I will not trouble them..."
Same room, a few days later...
I went to have my bath. When I put on my clean T - Shirt, I felt the a lot of stings all over my body. I remove my T. Shirt and see a lot of these fire ants crawling all over the T. Shirt. I come to my room to notice that my entire bag of clothing was invaded by ants.
I got angry.
I started performing a lot of non - blooded murders (ants dont have blood), a lot of them. But they didnt seem to give up.
A few days later...
I brought a cake from my house to distribute to my friends. I left the cake in the room and hurried to class (that is so unlike me). Came back four hours later to find the entire cake a food for a colony of over a million ants. Not only that, they entered all the clothes in the bag it was kept in.
Much more angry.
More non - blooded murder, more periodic than ever before (I still feel quilty for all this)
They still didnt give up.
A week before...
They entered my bed. I was sleeping happily to be disturbed occasionally by what I thought was mosquitoes. I get up to find out that the entire mattress was crawling full of these red and black monstrosities... More and more murders until my hand was tainted with red and black dust - like particles. I laid the entire mattress for an entire day to drive out the ants. But they were still in my room
The last straw...
Armed myself with
Laxmanrekha I started drawing circles around their paths much alike the
crop circles. That did it...
No more pesky ants, no more biting dresses, carefree life...
Yesterday
While vacating my room (for renovation purposes) I saw a column of ants entering my room from one window and leaving the room from the opposite door.
.....
You may have gathered from that that I am not an insect lover... Well, let me tell you, nothing could be farther from the truth. My room is a veritable zoo, the top 1 foot of my room is exclusively reserved for spiders. I welcome a lot of insects during the nite times - moths, butterflies and other anonymous insects... I only hate
mosquitoes and
house - flies
Anybody there agrees with me?
