I am the alpha and the omega
July 12, 2004
Cirino's Law of Burnt Fingers
Hot glass looks the same as cold glass.

Looking forward and moving ahead

As I was saying, I seem to have run into, or rather, will be running into a host of problems whose dimensions I cannot even imagine. Apart from the basic physical problems that I will encounter, I also have to face social problems, economic problems (I hope not), infrastructural problems(transportation) and even the moody weather too.
All these seem to have left no time for me to even think about psychological problems that I may have to challenge, until I was reminded very recently.

Will I miss my parents?
Will I miss my close clique of cowsins who were my brothers and sisters for so long in my life?
Will all this affect me a lot?
How much will all of them miss me?
How much will all of my friends in India miss me?
Will I able able to adjust there easily?
Will I get homesick?
If, then how will I get out of it or manage it?

The list, here too is endless.

But, this is not the end of the matter.
A shocking news came to me a few days back.
My dad's deputation @ Kabul is being extended by one more year.
While I may not be directly affected by it, as I will be away for 5 years anyway, I am more worried about my mother.
As it is, even with me @ home, there is not a day which has passed without her chatting with my dad for an hour daily, and then afterward lamenting effusively why he is not here. She also gets these nitemares daily, and refuses to sleep without me by the side.
It pains my heart really, knowing that there is nothing I could do.
With this news, my mom really went over the edge. No amount of tears spent by her in front of the webcam (while chatting with my dad) seems to have melted my dad's stone heart. (I actually exacted the time spent that day as 2 hours of crying.) I am actually angry rite now with my dad in that respect.
The coming year, with me also @ Austin, and my mom alone, I am pretty sure that it would pull her to the verge of suicide. (She already keeps saying that sometimes.) No amount of my consoling and counselling ever seems to help, and I just gave up trying. There is only so much I can do.

I just can't afford to go there with so many things in my mind.

I probably have to start thinking objectively from now on, separate emotions, feelings and beliefs from all other materialisms.

But, that, will take a very long time.

Time, which I dont have in large supply.

P.S: I know that I became very personal in the last two post, more so in the last one. Do forgive me. I will come up with something more objective the next time. All these were so pent up in my brain, and there was no other way to relieve it

P.S.S:This post should have been more appropriately titled: "Looking forward and worrying ahead".

Posted by satosphere at 11:43 AM


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