Committee Rules
1. Never arrive on time, or you will be stamped a beginner.
2. Don't say anything until the meeting is half over; this stamps you as being wise.
3. Be as vague as possible; this prevents irritating the others.
4. When in doubt, suggest that a subcommittee be appointed.
5. Be the first to move for adjournment; this will make you popular -- it's what everyone is waiting for.


THE YEAR'S BEST [ACTUAL] HEADLINES OF 2003

1. Crack Found on Governor's Daughter [imagine that!]
   
2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says [no, really?]
   
3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers [now that's taking things a bit far!]
   
4. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? [not if I wipe thoroughly!]
   
5. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over [ what a guy!]
   
6. Miners Refuse to Work after Death [no-good-for-nothin' lazy so-and-sos!]
   
7. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant [see if that works any better than a fair trial!]
   
8. War Dims Hope for Peace [I can see where it might have that effect!]
   
9. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile [you think?!]
   
10. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures [who would have thought!]
    
11. Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide [they may be on to something!]
    
12. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges [you mean there's something stronger than duct tape?!]
    
13. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge [he probably IS the battery charge!]
    
14. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group [weren't they fat enough?!]
    
15. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft [That what he gets for eating those beans!]
    
16. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy [That was really giving of himself!]
    
17. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half [Texas Chainsaw Massacre all over again!]
    
18. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors [Boy, are they tall!]
    
19. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead [I certainly hope so!]